Face wash isn't enough...and it's your FACE for god sake...TAKE CARE OF IT!

First things first...who here is washing their face with soap or body wash?  Go ahead and give yourself a firm slap to the face so we can move on.

I'm not going to get into basic face washes because most of us have one we love and use regularly.  I'm always blabbering about how to COVER your face...today I'm going to discuss some of my favorite skin care tools/products that go beyond basic face wash.

I personally like to do most of my face care outside of the shower so I can focus...for me, it's almost a ritual and I do my extensive stuff on Sundays (basically, I'm a total creep).

In a time not so far away I had insanely problematic skin...acne, dry skin, oily patches, clogged pores, massive breakouts, general disgustingness.  I was always inclined to get the harshest acne wash/scrub I could find.  Keep in mind that anything marketed as an "acne product" EVEN if it says "non-drying"...WILL DRY OUT YOUR SKIN.

I made the decision to stop using acne washes altogether about 2 years ago and I haven't looked back!  Your skin is exposed to the elements all day everyday and the best thing you can do is keep it moisturized and protected.

CLEANSING

I first want to mention this product from Abike (online and ALL HANDMADE).  I discovered this brand at a wine festival actually and have gotten several people HOOKED on Alata Black Bar Soap (haha-it looks like little slices of raisin bread...mmmm raisin bread)  

They also sell it in a liquid foam (I don't like this as much) and a soft paste (I want to try this, just haven't gotten around to it).  Their bar soap (although somewhat scary looking) is all natural and doesn't contain any of the stripping chemicals that most soaps contain.  You can use this all over, but I prefer to use it just on my face.  Because this is made up almost solely of moisturizing ingredients, it doesn't dry out your skin.  It leaves you with a squeaky clean face (I'm not kidding, my skin literally squeaks). This is marketed as a remedy for eczema as well, for people who might consider using it all over.  Not sure what else to say...I LOVE THIS SHIT!

p.s. Their body polish, body oils and shea butter products are orgasmic...everything they make smells sooooo good!  Support a small business and try their stuff.  Oh! and add them on facebook to take advantage of their promotions: ABIKE NATURAL 

This little devil is hard to find (I can only seem to find it at Ulta).  St. Ives Moisturizing Olive Scrub is a moisturizing scrub.  I'm a fan of scrubs...facial scrubs haha.  St. Ives makes the infamous Apricot Scrub that millions of people have used.  However, the "scrubby" part of that product is walnut shells and with its jagged edge composition you are really just scratching up your face...it's too much!  Totally realized I made 2 music references in this paragraph and if you can't find them be embarrassed of yourself.  You want to go for scrubs that contain synthetic scrubbies or softer natural scrubbies.  This product is great for sensitive skin because it's natural and contains no harsh or drying ingredients.  Also smells delicious...

Honestly, from here on out, assume everything I use smells delicious unless I say otherwise haha.

DE-GUNKIFYING

I'm bout to get reeeeal ghetto on this next product.  Queen Helene in the hizzouse.  I have used this product since middle school.  Mint Julep Masque, for me, is the ORIGINAL face masque.  Anytime we had facial parties (get your mind out the gutter), this product was THERE!  First wash your face then apply a layer to your entire face, avoiding eyes.  It's like having a million half eaten peppermint patties on your face...that cool intense tingly feeling is amazing.  You leave it on until it dries like clay and then rinse.  Your face feels like you're standing in front of an air conditioning vent in winter for a good hour.  Uh, plus it's mad cheap...like $3 and lasts forever.

Seriously, at this point, who HASN'T tried a Biore Strip?  Never ever buy the generics or other brands...I have tried most of them and Biore is hands-down the best one.  Also, splurge for the ULTRA, it contains tea tree oil, methol and witch hazel (the trend here is that I like things that make me tingle - don't judge me).  They recently changed the design of their packaging, which often means the old packaging is easy to find on clearance so keep a lookout!  

I always have these on hand and I use them on my nose and chin.  People who wear glasses all the time will sometimes get clogged pores where their glasses rub on their cheeks...great for that too!  You can really use them anywhere and they make nose and face strips, but the only difference is the shape and they are pretty interchangeable.  If you are skeptical...get ready to be amazed and maybe throw up...

TOOLS

Every brand on the planet is making some sort of facial buffer/cleansing brush type product.  The original and one of the most expensive is Clarisonic...although in their defense, this is their specialty and they have an extensive line designed for various skin care routines.  After an exhaustive google research fiasco, it would appear that the Olay Pro-X Advanced Cleansing System is just as good as a fraction of the price. Olay has great face products, period.  In my opinion they are the drugstore brand that most closely borders on being department store counter worthy.  I still use their original beauty fluid on occasion (mostly because it smells like my mom, awww)...I'm getting off topic.  So the purpose of this type of tool is to gently buff away dead skin, grime, etc. using the accompanying cleanser or really any cleanser you choose.  It's supersonic, meaning it doesn't spin, it vibrates, at 2 speeds.  It definitely provides a deep and more thorough cleaning than slathering your hands all over your face.  Would I invest in a Clarisonic, no.  Would I wait for the Olay one to go on sale or use a coupon...absolutely.

Neutrogena makes 2 face care tools that I have tried and I have thoughts on both.

The Wave comes in 2 styles (vibrating and sonic - sonic is a more intense vibration).  This is an OK tool and I'm not going to waste your time talking about why I do and do not like it, because I am IN LOVE with this next tool.  Neurogena's Microdermabrasion System is one of my favorite things to use weekly, besides my toothbrush (aahahaha jk jk).

I'm one of those people that will try anything even if it says it's guaranteed to burn a hole in your face, but don't be afraid of the word "microdermabrasion."  This tool is a great introduction into the world of buffing your face.  Instead of a permanent brush, this has disposable, pre-treated pads that you just stick on and get wet when you're ready to use it.  It has 2 sonic speeds and is obviously handheld, so you can really really make this as mild or as intense of an experience as you choose (I personally like to use the highest speed, saturate the pad with super hot water, and apply substantial pressure).  You'll want to buff small circles over your entire face (I even buff my lips!).  IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION with this product...you're face will feel soft and smooth instantly.  Be sure to moisturize afterwards (I use this before bed and use my night cream).  Safe enough to use once/twice a week.  I don't have sensitive skin, but do experience some redness, so be careful.  Don't go in guns blazing if you've never used a product like this before.

FOR THE RISK TAKERS

For those of you that want to try a legit chemical microderm product, Philosophy Microdelivery Peel is by far my favorite.  

I use this once every month.  It's a 2-step process.  First you apply the scrubby step and massage into face and then the Vitamin C & Peptide gel, which creates a foamy chemical reaction.  You definitely feel this product working.  It's a gentle warm tingling sensation to me, but might be more intense on more sensitive skin.  If something goes horribly awry, the effect ends immediately upon rinsing, so don't be toooo scared.  Philosophy makes several products like this, but this is by far my favorite and the least terrifying.

Quick Tip: You ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS want to use a facial moisturizer after using any of the products I mentioned.  However, I actually do not recommend applying your face lotion and then jumping right into your makeup routine.  Give it time to absorb so that your makeup doesn't get that greasy, end of the day look. 

FOR THE UNEXPECTED BREAKOUT

Again with the Neurogena!  I have tried just about every drug store acne spot treatment there is and Rapid Clear 2-in-1 Fight and Fade Gel is my favorite.  It's quick, it's clear, it's not AS drying as some of the other, but be forewarned...it smells like BigFoot's dick...but seriously, it stinks.  Once it dries the smell goes away, and it dries quickly.  You DO NOT want to apply this gel to your whole face, it's meant solely for treating individual pimples.  I've seen a major difference just overnight using this product.  Also, because it's got the "fading" ingredients, it makes it easier to cover up your spots with concealer.

Well, I hope you learned something or at least questioned your current routine (or lack thereof).  

"You look better without all that makeup" = You're doing it wrong

This might be a sensitive topic because, you just might be doing a lot of these things...shhh shhh don't be frightened.  You also may be thinking to yourself, ok so is this blog going to tell me that I need to start doing Shelley's chola eyebrows and wacky color combinations?  Absolutely not!  But there are several things that I highly suggest avoiding during your makeup routine and YOU ARE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT!

• Don't match your eye makeup to your outfit...just because you have on green pants and an orange shirt doesn't mean your eye should look like the top end of a carrot.  The point of your eye makeup should be to bring out your eyes.  No one ever says "oh that eye shadow really brings out your pants."  I'm talking extremes here, this is not to say that if you have on a black and white dress you can't do a black/white smokey eye.
• If you are doing a bold eye, DO NOT do a bold lip and vice versa...you should always have one area of focus.  Smokey eye with red/pink lip (in my opinion) works because even though the eye is dark, it's still relatively neutral.  You just don't want THIS...

• STOP BUYING TRAVEL BRUSH SETS.  I know it's tempting...they are all there, everything you need in one cute little set.  However, travel brushes are not made to the same standards as full sized brushes.  The quality is severely lacking.  If the hairs/bristles are falling out of your brushes, you've made a poor investment.  If you think you're safe because you always use the applicators/brushes that COME WITH YOUR PRODUCTS...you liable to get smacked.  NONE and I repeat NONE of the applicators/brushes that come with your products are sufficient...you're better off using your finger/hands.
• Now that I've said that, stop using your HANDS to apply your FOUNDATION!  You're hands are greasy little bacteria playgrounds and you're smearing that all over your face.  Not only does it prevent your foundation from setting properly, but it also is a horrible way to try to get uniform coverage.
• Nude lips are so YES and lips that are lighter than your skin tone (JLo) are so NO..that is all

It pains me to say this, but Kim K. is the QUEEN of nude lips.  Find the shade that works best for you (I use MAC lipstick in  Masque) and always top with gloss.

If you want to know what color Kim is wearing here, probably just check Kanye's weenis..ziiiiiiiiiiing

• 2 Words: TARANTULA LASHES.  When it comes to eyelashes we all wants them to be thick, long and luscious.  Here's a few Quick Tips: Never pump your brush, it adds unnecessary air to the tube, which dries it out and makes it clumpy.  The easiest way to create robust lashes it to layer 2 different kinds of mascara (doesn't matter which kinds, just as long as they're different).  When applying multiple coats do not wait for the coats to dry (this is why they clump).  Don't be afraid to comb out your lashes.  Always curl BEFORE your mascara (unless you have a heated curler lol yes I have one).  Letting your coats dry is the number one reason your eyelashes look like this...

• Speaking of lashes, most of us don't apply mascara to our bottom lashes because we don't want end of the day raccoonage (bout to copyright that shit).  I always do the bottom lashes.  Quick Tip: Use a waterproof mascara with a really small brush (I like Maybelline Lash Discovery Waterproof)
• If you're being photographed, avoid the shiny/shimmery face products, it just makes you look sweaty and/or greasy.  Also go easy on the powder, it makes you look ashy.
• Avoid pumpkin face at ALL COST!!  Learn how to blend your foundation, there should NEVER be a visible line at your jaw or near your ears!
• Pick the right color of concealer!  It should be 1, MAYBE 2 shades lighter than your foundation.  Remember, yellow toned concealers hide gray/purple (think under eye circles) and green toned concealers hide redness.  Rihanna looks great here, but her under eye coverage is wayyyy too light!

• Want to rock a really bright/dark lip style?  Invest in a product like Cargo's Reverse Lip Liner.  This prevents your lip color from bleeding into the tiny wrinkles/lines around your lips.  You apply it to the outer line of your lips and blend outward.  I use this product and love it.  Kind of a strange concept that you may not even know existed.
• Speaking of lip liner.  DO NOT EVER DO THIS...JUST DON'T...I shouldn't even need to explain myself on this one.

• Choose the right shade of blush and apply and blend it properly in the right area.  You shouldn't look like a clown and I shouldn't be wondering if you were just slapped in the face.  The color of the product NEVER looks the same on your face so don't be afraid to choose a color that you think might be too pink or too brown...TRY IT!  Nice job Christina...or not...wrong color, wrong area, no blending...looks like she got in a slap fight...honestly her whole face makes me sad.

I could go on for days, but those were some of the most important and most common things I see.  But NOTHING is as ASTRONOMICAL as this last one...

I'm going to address eyebrows and alllllll of the things that can go awry.  I realize that almost none of you would ever consider doing your eyebrows like I do and quite frankly may not even like the way I do mine (hi haters)...so I'm going to cover the basic threats plaguing the eyebrows of the world...

WRONG COLOR: If you change your hair color drastically, your eyebrows should be changed too!  Her eyebrows are way too dark for her hair.

WRONG SHAPE: This problem runs rampant!  We all obviously don't have pristine arches, but seriously!?  Her eyebrows are horribly shaped and too far apart!

WRONG LOCATION: Honestly, I'm not even going to hate on drawn on eyebrows, because she has a decent arch/shape, but uhh they are in the middle of her forehead.

UNNATURAL SHAPE: Let me rephrase...COMICALLY unnatural shape.  Are you kidding?  Drake, is that you?

CRAZY OLD LADY BROWS: Ohhh you've seen these...they area always orange, misshapen, strangely wet looking and appear to have been applied while jogging on a treadmill.

OVERLY STENCILED: These brows look like they were spray painted or crayoned on using a stencil.  Even when using pencil/powder to create or fill in your brows, they shouldn't look waxy.

EPIC UNIBROW: This will NEVER be fashionable...FIX IT!

WTF WERE YOU THINKING BROWS: At what point was she thinking "I look hot with these brows".  They are 2 little arches from hell.  Never should your eyebrows look like little rainbows.  My god...I can't say enough about these monstrosities.  

If your eyes are the windows to your soul then your eyebrows are the multi-million dollar window treatments.  Having a clean shaped brow is honestly one of the best cosmetic tips of all time.  Case in point...

I've fully berated you for things that I KNOW at least some of you have done...hell I've been a victim of some of these things myself.  The important thing is that you learn from your mistakes.  Don't be afraid to try new things, you never know when you'll discover your own Quick Tips!

WTF is BB Cream!?


I found myself in a Walgreens looking for a new heavier face moisturizer because when the seasons change my skin gets insanely dry.  While I did find Neutrogena Naturals Multi-Vitamin Nourishing Night Cream (and highly recommend the whole Neutrogena Naturals line), I also stumbled upon this new product that will be the focus of today's blog.


Let's all just relax...yesssss I realize I didn't blog on Friday.  My bad...I ducked out of work and decided to be a slacker all day, we can all relate.  As my boss reads my blog..."everybody who still has a job please stand up...Shelley, NOT SO FAST."


OK, so I actually didn't know was "BB Cream" was when I bought it and honestly didn't even realize that's what it was because all I saw was "Miracle Face Perfector" and knew I was going to make the $12 investment.  

We're talking about BB Cream by Garnier

Visit the link...you NEED to understand this product

This product is being heavily marketed as NEW to the U.S. market, which had me wondering where did it come from and why are we just now hearing about it?!

The short history of this products is as follows:

• BB = Beauty Balm.  Originally used by German dermatologists as an all-in-one product for sensitive skin
• Korean film stars started using the product as the "perfect cosmetic" and it made it's way to the non-so-star studded market in Korea (p.s. this product makes you camera-ready...uhh...enough said)
• At this point BB Cream is being used in Asian, European and Australian markets...we are basically the latest market to mainstream this product.

OK, so why Garnier?  Aren't they really known for their hair products?  Well kind of.  Garnier is the first brand to mainstream the product; however, Sephora carries a variety of BB Creams being sold as HD and Camera Ready Beauty Balms.  I love the Garnier one so much, I don't know that I'd invest in a more high end one, but if I did, it'd be the Smashbox version (mostly because I love their priming products and the 2 products are very similar).

Googling BB Cream or even visiting the Garnier link above will tell you all about what this product claaaaims it will do, but we all know we've bought a miracle product only to be as disappointed as I am in myself for liking the new Justin Bieber song (whatever you know you like his falsetto).  

So I'm going to tell you what I know about it:

• Cream to powder finish (almost identical to the feeling of a face primer)
• Essentially primer, tinted moisturizer and foundation all in one
• Best if set with some type of powder: I use MAC Studio Fix for a heavier coverage or when I'm having a bad skin day, but you could also use a translucent oil-free powder if you want light coverage (I use MAC Prep+Prime Transparent Finishing Powder, but a great cheaper alternative is Revlon, they have several great face powders/finishers; PhotoReady Translucent Finisher is my favorite!)
• Made of mineral pigments, so it's better as disguising pore than a tinted moisturizer
• Provides a flawless smooth finish and evens skin tone
• Not only a vitamin C based moisturizer, but it is also an SPF 15 sunblock
• Only comes in light/medium and medium/deep.  I've used light/medium on a number of people and it's highly universal, medium/deep would work on darker (think Latina and darker Asian type skin tones...at this point it is not available for darker skin tones)

Quick Tip: Save time in the morning and skip the moisturizer, primer, and foundation...BB Cream will give you all of those benefits and a smooth/even look in seconds.  Apply small (dime-sized) amount with hands, making sure you've covered your face evenly.  Give your face a quick dusting of translucent powder and finish with a little bronzer.  This routine has completely replaced my usual morning routine.

ANYONE who has said they like the "natural look" would fall in love with this product.  Hell, I never say I like the natural look but when I use this product, my face looks fresh to death...and bitches love fresh to death.

One friend said her husband said her face looked "cleaner" (regardless of what he said, the fact that a boy even noticed means you must have it lol)

One friend said she felt like it "accentuated her peach fuzz" (uhh problem! Solution?  Top your BB Cream off with a translucent powder instead of a tinted powder)

One friend said "OMG Shellz you are so awesome for loving Bieber", actually I just made that up, but someone should say that to me so I feel less insecure about my BieberFever.

If you are STILL not convinced, checkout the commercial below...oh and here's the other thing...because it just hit the market, they are pushing it hard...which meeeeans...it's really easy to find it on sale.  Although, really?  It's only $12.00...don't be such a cheap bastard!

Side note: Those Gillette and Gillette Venus razors that I mentioned in last weeks blog are on sale this week (4/29-5/5) at Target, CVS, Walmart and Walgreens...now's the time to try 'em out!

Still using baby products even when I'm all grow'd up!


Pretty sure my local Target assumes I have a slew of kids at home.  My apartment is chock full of baby products and I have some pretty interesting uses for all of them.

I will ONLY by Johnson and Johnson after time and time again of trying generics.  The generics just ARE NOT the same, so if you plan on delving into the baby aisle...skip the crap!

Baby Oil (nooo I'm not going to say use it is a lube)

1. Using a cotton ball or cotton pad...easily and quickly removed even the most stubborn/waterproof makeup (or a tiiiiny bit on a Qtip to remove the imperfections after applying eyeliner/mascara)
2. A few drops on a Qtip swabbed inside my ear prevents my ears from itching when my allergies are out of control
3. Cuticle oil
4. A few drops on a tangled up necklace makes it easier to untangle
5. Used in place of shave gel for a super close/smooth shave with less irritation
6. Added to bath water for epic softness (obvi - don't get your hair wet!)
7. Removes sticky price tags/stickers, especially on glass (i.e. picture frames) and loosens a tricky zipper
8. Removes paint from skin for my crafty bastards
9. Coat your feet in baby oil and wear socks overnight...amazingly soft in the morning
10. Apply to a soft cloth and use as wood furniture polish

Baby Powder (it's not just for your butt)

1. Sprinkle a little in your hair brush and brush through hair to remove excess oil and restore volume (same principle used in dry shampoos!)
2. Carry it in your beach bag, when your all sandy and sweaty, sprinkle some on to absorb the sweat and remove the sand quickly
3. Dab grease stains on your clothing with a powder puff before stain sets to prevent permanent stain
4. Sweaty feet?  sprinkle your socks/shoes with baby powder on occasion
5. Sprinkle your sheets for a super fresh clean and cool (ahem and sliiiippery) feeling (sluuuuts)
6. Sprinkle in your cleavage to prevent Mountain Dew (you know that sweaty boob feeling)
7. Sprinkle on your pet brush and brush your dog/cat...my cat loves a dry bath!
8. Apply to skin before waxing, removes oil and moisture from skin so that the wax can adhere to just the hair, also lessens the ouch factor (my eyebrow girl always does this)
9. Flip your shirt inside out, sprinkle pits with baby powder then press with medium iron to hold off sweaty pit stains
10. Ant repellent! Sprinkle on your picnic blanket or outside doorway or other entry point to your home if you see those little bastards getting in

Baby Shampoo (epic pube cleaner...jk jk)

1. Perfect cleanser for makeup brushes (I'll berate you in a future post about cleaning your brushes)
2. Excellent shampoo for grown ups that have baby fine hair, a great body wash for sensitive skin aaaaand a more gentle cleansing product for your ladyparts
3. Gentle detergent for delicates like pantyhose and underwear (but like your cute lacey ones, not your giant fruit of the looms)
4. Also a great makeup remover and obviously less greasy than baby oil
5. Also can be used in place of shave gel
6. Use as a presoak for remove wring around the collar (is that even still a thing? lol)
7. Coat glasses/goggles with baby shampoo, let dry, then rinse...this prevents your lenses from fogging up (might be important if you start powdering your sheets...bow chicka bow wow)
8. Pet shampoo, my asshole cat loves this shit
9. Mix baby shampoo with a little baking soda for shining up yo' rims...can't be rollin' on dirty dubs (unless you're into that kinda thing)
10. Mix baby shampoo and water (equal parts), this makes safe/tear-free bubbles for the kiddies

Baby Wipes (honestly, they shouldn't even have the word baby in front...I seriously buy the bulk packs)

1. Don't spend money on those expensive grown up butt wipes, it's the same shit! (pun INTENDED bitches!)
2. Quick cleanups that paper towels just can't handle (i.e. STICKY ones)
3. Makeup remover (yes agaaaaain, shuddup!)...I use these daily (aloe ones) to remove the bulk of my makeup...they are bigger and thicker than makeup remover cloths!
4. Remove stains from microfiber (like my couch! don't worry about how I got the stains)
5. Temporarily soothes sunburned skin...orgasmic when you've stored them in the fridge (especially the aloe ones!)
6. Keep them in your glove box...PERIOD...I use them shits on EVERYTHING inside my car
7. Use as tissues when your nose is super sensitive from too much cheap tissue action
8. Perfect for removing deodorant from your shirt, when you're not smart enough to apply deodorant AFTER you put your clothes on
9. Skip the tide pen, use a baby wipe...fo realz!
10. And don't even get me started on uses for the containers the wipes come in...screw the Container Store and their fancy storage, I use buttwipe bins!

Now, I also use:

Baby Lotion: mostly because I love the smell, but it can also be used for shaving and to de-static things (rub into hands and then rub hands over whatever has the static).

Baby Wash/Bubble Bath: Super sensitive body wash and bubble bath...and SUPER bubbly!

Baby Oil Gel: Don't even get me started!  I slather up with this after a shower on the regular and the baby version is way cheaper than the adult versions.

Alright, now who thinks I'm a complete lunatic?

No Quick Tips for this post because, frankly, they were all quick tips.  So don't skip the baby aisle...the products are usually cheaper than their grown up counterparts, smell amazing, and serve a ton of beauty AND household purposes.

Word the wise, if you haven't been to Drugstore.com, do yourself a favor and slack off at work today and browse.  The product range is insane (not even kidding, they even sell sex toys haha) and they have great sales, for which you don't need a freaking bonus card.

Oh Hi, you have something on your face let me get that, oh that's your bronzer, well then...FAIL!


Originally I thought this post was going to be a quick little how-to and how-not-to, but then I started doing my makeup this morning and realized, I'm way to passionate about BRONZER for a short post!


Summa-Summa-Summatiiiime...is the time most of us feel the need to break out the bronzer.  But really it should be a year round product. 


The most important things to realize about bronzer are the following:

• You shouldn't be using it to create a self-tanner look on your face, and
• Most people shouldn't even realize you have it on

For starters...these are so NO:

From top left clockwise: 1) Too dark, in the wrong places and not blended; 2) Wayyyy too dark for skin tone, not blended; 3) Too full of a coverage and the bright undereye highlighting only makes it worse; 4) Absolute train wreck

And these are so YES:

From top left clockwise: 1) Perfect color, applied at all the right points for a sunkissed look; 2) Gorgeous shimmer and highlighting 3) Perfect Cali beach face; 4) Amazing highlighting and blending on porcelain skin

Now onto the products, tools and application!

First things first...if I had to choose one brush to spend the rest of my life with...it would be the MAC 179 Limited Edition Kabuki, like I almost feel like I should have an 18 or older only warning on this post because for me, THIS IS PORN...

This brush is a semi-precious split fibre brush, meaning it's half synthetic and half badger hair
(it's ok, Honey Badger doesn't give a fuck)

The dual fibre style means it's great for both powder and cream products.

In addition to that sexy beast I just mentioned, I also use Sephora's Pro Natural Rounded Powder Brush #41 (they also have a smaller one #40, but I have a lot of facemeat to cover so I like the big one...that's what she said...this on is goat hair) AND Ulta's Pro Synthetic Flat Top Kabuki Brush (100% synthetic).

Now let me take a moment to say that yes, as much as I love animals, I do have animal hair brushes.  However, there are millions of brands that do completely organic or synthetic brushes (Ecotools is a great brand!)  

When buying a brush for bronzer, you want something fluffy to create a more natural look (like the #41 I mentioned above) and something dense to contour (like the flat top kabuki).

Your wondering if I forgot about the brush that gave me a boner a few minute ago...I use that one to sweep my ENTIRE FACE for blending and finishing purposes...and I then I jizz in my pants.

APPLICATION TECHNIQUE:

Again you do NOT want to cover your entire face in bronzer just so you look tan and the lighter your skintone the more difficult it is to achieve that natural sunkissed look, so practice, practice, practice.

Basic principles of application

Essentially all of the spots on your face where you naturally would tan (or BURN, if you're me)...your protruding points is a good way to think of it.  Um, don't bronze your eye sockets, kthx.

A very simple way to do it is sweep two giant #3s on either side of your face facing inward (I'm so ashamed that I just use MSPaint for the first time since middle school to do this, but here ya go)...

I'm not talking precise defined lines, I'm talking a light repeated sweeping with a fluffy brush until you've achieved your desired level of bronzing.  Make sure you BLEND! You should NOT be able to see the exact path that your brush just followed once you are finished.

Now, you can find bronzer anywhere...they have face, body, shimmer, matte, powder, cream, etc.  In my opinion, bronzer isn't a product that you need to spend millions on.

If you have fair skin or are new to the bronzing game try Physician's Formula Luminous Bronzing Sun Stones, because they are loose shimmery multicolored powderball thingies, it prevents you from going too dark.  I also love Smashbox Bronzers (the Baked Fusion Soft  Lights is my fav).  Again it's a multicolored powder so you can achieve the perfect balance for your skin tone.  

Quick Tip: If you are like me and you don't always want a shimmery face (this is important when photographic, too much shimmer = greaseball).  In lieu of bronzer (because most are shimmery), use a dark toned face powder.  I've been known to use Black Opal face powder, which is a brand for "women of color"...it gives you a great matte contour/highlight.

MAC has great bronzing products, none of which are actually called bronzer haha, so I won't even get into that! Buuut pretty sure I have one of each.

Alrighty, there you have it...everybody get your bronze on...

Listen up you furry bastards...we're talking about SHAVING!


Let's be real on a day to day basis, most of us aren't waxing...we're doing it the old fashioned way.  But shaving has come a long way.

First of all, I pretty much ONLY use men's razors...I find that they are better, get a closer shave, etc.


The Schick Hydro 5 is amazing, I have been using it for years.  It's definitely worth it to invest in non-disposables.


I recently got a free sample of the women's version - Schick Hydro Silk and I don't like it nearly as much.


One women's razor I HIGHLY recommend, especially for traveling is in the Gillette Venus Line - Breeze, Proskin (great for sensitive skin) and the newest one Venus & Olay (smells AMAZEBALLS!)


These are great because you don't need to use shave gel/cream at all.  The blades are surrounded by a shave gel solid.  A secret informant just told me HE uses this razor on his face whiskers...versatile!


Quick tips: Don't let your razor sit in a pool of water on your shower ledge, hang it up!  Clean all of your crap out of it and let it dry.  It'll last longer and will cause less shaving irritation.  And switch out your blades regularly, trust me ALL OF YOU are probably waiting way too long before getting a new blade.

Now onto shave gel/cream...lezbeeonest...no one is using shaving cream anymore...well someone must, because they still sell this shit at every CVS...ugh

Gel is much more of a protectant and men's gels are even thicker and protect the most sensitive skin, I mean think about it...a lot of men shave their face EVERY DAY...the products are going to be better!

I personally don't have sensitive skin, and this is hands down my FAVORITE shave gel Satin Care Cooling Sensation...I am OBSESSED with tingly products and this one has eucalyptus and menthol (think altoids on your legs and pits - it's bliss).

I know what your thinking...are you using this tinglin' crap on your lady parts?!  Actually let's call them genital...gennies for short.  Um, no...for that I use Skintimate Cream Shave.  This is really more of a lotion...it's really thick so it stays on even in the shower, whereas shave gel is going to rinse right off before you even get a chance to start shaving.  So now that we've covered the awkwardness of gennie shaving, let us move on...

Quick Tip - We've all done, but - FIGHT THE URGE TO DO A QUICK SHAVE WITH SOAP!  Most soaps are drying to the skin...you need to be shaving with a moisturizing product.  Sometimes in a pinch I even shave with cheap lotion or hair conditioner!

Two really great products I have recently discovered and LOVE (these are PERFECT for my sensitive skinned people):

The Art of Shaving Pre-Shave Oil - I tried this when I got it as a sample from Sephora and technically it's just a "whisker lifter" and it protects your skin.  In my opinion, it's a tad pricey, so I made my own version (ghettooooo).  Baby Oil Gel (I used Johnson and Johnson with aloe) and a few drops of tea tree oil.

Quick Tip - Tea Tree Oil is one of the best things you can put on your skin...I love it! Check it out: 20 Great Uses for Tea Tree Oil

The second product that I absolutely love (and will continue to buy) is The Cool Fix (I get mine at Ulta, also available at Sephora).  This product reduces ingrown hairs, razor bumps/burn and redness...perfect for bikini area.  Now, I should warn you, this product has alcohol in it, so if you cut yourself or use a dull/cheap razor (aka machete shave), then it will sting like a son of a bitch when you put it on...it's a deep burn, it's a deep burn.


And finally - After you're all shaved up and smooth, make sure you moisturize.  I started using Nip + Fab Dry Leg Fix (can also be purchased at Target online), instant long lasting moisture...my legs are like straight up Rhinoskin sometimes...not cute.

You might be wondering, what about Veet or Nair...even my not-so-sensitive skin can't handle Nair.  I have tried Veet, but I just never find it to work as well as it claims...plus those products smell aaawful.


What about this thing?! 

Yeeeah I've definitely tried it...it's not good.  If your hair is short (stubble), it doesn't work, PERIOD.  It also buffs off your skin...it's pretty much like a really fine sandpaper.  Don't waste your money.

Eyeliner...it can be your friend

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE should have a go to black eyeliner.  I have a few that I will discuss in a second.  Whether it's pencil, liquid, gel...use it and know what styles work best with your eye shape.

First, my favorites:

Pencil: MAC Kohl Power & Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On (waterproof!)

Liquid: MAC Penultimate (pen style with foam tip - great for beginners or those that are scared of liquid liner) & Almay Liquid Eyeliner (foam tip)

Gel: MAC Fluidline (I apply with an angled/slanted brush, the same kind I use to do my eyebrows)

Pencil is obviously the most commonly used style and very easy to work with.  Now they have mechanical pencil styles, but I wouldn't recommend those for someone who wants a precise line...although they are great for smudging.  Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE do I ever recommend any brush tipped (think tiny paintbrush) eyeliners...they are very difficult to control and you almost never get a fluid line.  Foam tipped applicators are much easier to work with.

Let's face it, when it comes to liquid eyeliner, we've all done it - you know...stabbed yourself in the eye only to have your whole eye fill up with a mix of tears and liner...yeeeeah.  Don't be afraid!!

Gel and liquid liners are best for a rich precise line and essential for winged or cat eye looks.  Pencils are great for doing waterlines, both top and bottom.  OK who just freaked out because they either A) have no idea what a waterline is or B) didn't know they could line their TOP waterline.  Your waterline is the area INSIDE your lashes and yes you can do your top and bottom.  Lining your top waterline gives the appearance of thicker lashes because you are essentially filling in all your "white space".  Lining the bottom closes in larger eyes.

This chick below with the porn star nails is lining her top waterline, it's a weird thing to master, but I recommend it for almost everyone.

I rarely recommend a full lower waterlining for 2 reasons, it usually closes in your eye too much and it's nearly impossible to get it to stay!

If you insist on lining the bottom line, I'd recommend the Urban Decay 24/7 liner or some type of waterproof liner.  Once applied, use a slanted brush and go over it with black eye shadow.  That will set it and it will last much longer than liner alone.

Something to keep in mind when choosing or experimenting with eyeliner styles is this: Whichever point your eyeliner is the most dramatic is the direction your eye will pull.  For example, if your eyeliner is heaviest on the outter corner in a downward direction (not upward like a wing/cat eye look), your eyes are going to look droopy.  And inversely, a great way to open up a smaller eye is to line the top lid with the thickest liner directly in the middle (think small ant hill lol) See below...this is the same eye and the style of liner changes its shape pretty dramatically.

More often than not, I am sporting #5 and I never do #6, because that inner corner is a son of a bitch to get right.

Black is essential to anyone's collection (except for older woman, older women should be looking for grays and browns as their staple).  So experiment, see what works best for you.  Who knows maybe next you'll be ready to try COLORS!  Purple is my go to when I'm not  using black!

Quick tip: Create a wide open eye by dotting your inside corners with a light shimmery shadow.  I actually use EyeLighter by CARGO, which is designed specifically for making eyes pop.

Prime yo kids - Prime yo wife...but seriously, use primer


Rina brought up a very valid question: should I be using eye primer?  In short, yes...but, WAIT, it's easier and you have more options than you think.

First things first, who knows what "creasing" is?  It runs more rampant than you think.  Creasing is when all your shadow disappears from your eyelid and magically ends up dark as all hell ONLY in your crease, and it's not cute.  You see it a lot on older women and they are typically sporting blue eye shadow and tarantula lashes.

Priming your eyelids in one way or another is the easiest way to prevent this from happening.

If I had to guess, I'd say I've been wearing some sort of eye priming product for 8 years or so.  Now let me say this, if you are using bold/rich colors, a good priming product is ESSENTIAL.  However, if you are sticking to lighter/shimmery colors you can get away with some tricks I will discuss later.

My first eye primer was actually by Mary Kay (Mary Kay - Eye Primer) and it works well.  If you know someone who sells MK, this is a great option.

These days I'm using Urban Decay Primer Potion, which is available in multiple colors and deluxe sample sets from the UD website, as well as Sephora and Ulta.  This is 24 hour primer, ain't no joke when I tell you that I can go to the gym in FULL FACE and come out looking club ready...hollaaaa!  I use the original shade, which dries nude (much like myself after a shower).

In lieu of primer, especially if I want a really vibrant/rich eye color, I use MAC :: Paint Pots. For light/matte eye shadows I prime with a shade called Painterly (nude), for shimmery shadow I use Bare (champagne-ish) and for bold looks I use Blackground (black). I know it sounds weird, you prime with black!? Yep!  Black primer with a rich purple on top pops!  Alright alright I'm straying from the topic...

So that's 3 amazing priming products...BUT! and that's a BIG BUT...and I like big buts (and I cannot lie)...

Quick Tip: You can prime with any product that has a cream to powder finish


I'm talking about foundations, concealers, and face primer people!  An easy way to save money to buy universal products.  If your not fully committed to the makeup game yet, skip the eye primer, buy a good face primer and use it on your eyes as well.  If you are reeeeally not committed or just think I'm crazy, skip the primer altogether and dab your lids with a concealer or foundation (lighter than your skintone especially if you are wearing light shadow).


(Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the inevitable pink eye, I kid I kid!)


To sum things up: Yes you need to be priming!  If I had to choose between expensive shadow with no primer and cheap shadow with primer, I'd choose the latter any day of the week, because even expensive shadows don't hold up if you don't apply them properly.

p.s. I totally use Revlon Luxurious Eye Color in Vintage Lace and have for YEARS...definitely get it from CVS for like 8bucks...shhh don't tell anyone! 

Speaking of proper application, you'll want to apply your primer to your lid sparingly and cover fully.  You don't want it to be wet when you start applying your shadow (unless you use it to turn your powder shadow into a cream shadow, as I often do).  If you wear your makeup with lid, crease and under brow highlighting, prime your eye from lash line to eyebrow and if you are like me and fill in your eyebrows, go ahead and prime your brows too!

Prime example below (haha see what I did there? I got puns).  You can see how much more lush the primed eye look and you can see on the eye with no primer that the colors aren't blended, but instead start to bleed into each other.

After many requests, I've decided to start a beauty blog.  No one wants to troll through pages after page of useless information to find that one little gem that makes you decide to buy or skip a product altogether.  So my intention will be to keep my posts short and useful, like Snooki...

Questions?  Ask them.  Chances are I've tried it or have tried something similar and can offer some sort of useful information.

Makeup, hair products, skin care, body products, styling and other beauty tools...I know mah shiz, but if for some reason I don't...I'll find out...or if I'm feeling lazy I'll direct you to someone who will know.

The point is you'll have information you didn't have before you came here...and that is winning.

Tips and tricks?  Yeah I have those because contrary to what my bar tabs would lead you to believe, I'm not actually a baller and I cut corners to save money.

My only credentials here are the following:

• I have been dying my hair for about 15 years
• My makeup travel bag is a tackle box (seriously!)
• I have personal contacts at Sephora, MAC and Ulta (you wanna see my bonus card ponits!?)
• I generally have about $12 worth of makeup on my face at any given time
• I really have little to no eyebrows (think on that for a second)
• I grew up with a beautician mother
• I'm your friend so you trust me

Now, FOLLOW ME!...why?


So that you know it's not ok to leave the house looking like this...