Today...WE RANT...about MASCARA!
which means MASK in Spanish...not sure why I felt that was relevant, just wanted you to know I'm bilingual


I don't often come across a product that I detest.  I'm talking its mere presence in the store makes me want knock the whole display over in a fit of rage.  


First, some history...I know I know I hate it to, but stick with me here.  


In 1915, an American named T. L. Williams noticed that his sister Mabel colored her lashes with a petroleum jelly called Vaseline, mixed with coal dust for color (um gross). He began to package and sell the product, calling it Maybelline.”  By 1932, Maybelline was being packaged and sold in retail stores nationwide for (brace yourselves) 10 CENTS!  In the 1960s Maybelline introduced Ultra Lash, which was waterproof, and the first mascara to have the familiar tube/brush application process.  Finally, in 1971 Maybelline introduced the world to GREAT LASH, which is still the #1 best selling mascara in the marketplace.  A tube of this horseshit crosses a retail checkout scanner every 1.5 seconds!  

They have made improvements to the line in an attempt to keep up with the trends in mascara over time...different formulas...different brushes...revamped packaging, but still the familiar pink and green tube that really grinds my gears.

While I applaud Maybelline for being the #1 makeup brand worldwide (as far as sheer number of purchases), I STILL HATE GREAT LASH with a furious passion!


When I see Great Lash in the store, I see one of two things -- 1980s woman frantically pumping the tube and applying coat after coat to achieve an insane degree of waterproof tarantula lashes before hitting the gym and Motley Crue knowing the importance of a crappy mascara that dries like cement on your eyelashes, and thus holding up through rockin out, boozing up, and passing PTFO-ing.

All of that being said, I have a few tips and suggestions that I shall now force upon you.


Understand a few things: 

• Models are ALWAYS wearing false lashes in mascara commercials, sad but true...don't expect your mascara to work miracles, but do expect it to at least do what it says it it'll do (i.e. curl, lengthen, thicken, etc.).
• Waterproof mascara IS waterproof, which means it's a bitch and a half to take off.  You should NEVER sleep in waterproof mascara, it hardens and dries your lashes, making them brittle and next thing you know you're molting like a penguin in the summer.  If you want the benefits of waterproof with easier removal, apply regular first and then coat with waterproof.
• Curl BEFORE you apply mascara, this opens up your eyes.
• Don't use mascara if it STINKS or is discolored...usually means it's bad.
• Don't use mascara if it's dried up or if you find yourself applying a ton of coats before you notice a difference.  Mascara should be WET.
• Don't pump your brush, this forces air into the tube, thus drying it out and promoting bacteria growth.
• You should toss your mascara every 3 months (ideal) or every 6 months at the MOST (for my stingy bacteria breeding makeuppers)
• For the most intense lash look, ALWAYS use 2 different kinds of mascara (doesn't matter which 2, I sometimes use 3 or 4).  Great tutorial (notice how she's bent her first brush to achieve a perfect angle for herself, the brushes are pliable for a reason!):

• Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle YEAH! side to side at base and pull through length of lashes.
• Don't let your mascara dry in between coats, this leads to clumpy tarantulas...clumantulas if you will.
• For long squirrely lashes, use a microfiber brush, it makes it easier to comb out your lashes as you apply.  I am absolutely a fan of the microfiber (plastic-y) brushes.
• Eyelash primers WORK! Priming your lashes makes them thick as all hell.
• Lash fiber mascaras WORK! These mascaras have little fibers that cling onto your real lashes to make them look longer and fuller.  You can keep building til you're satisfied.

I am a mascara hoarder, like full blown problem.  At any given time I probably have 15 different mascaras that serve difference purposes.


LASH STASH FROM SEPHORA: At Christmas time (even though available year round), I always buy the annual Lash Stash.  For $32 you get 10 deluxe sample sizes of their best selling mascaras.  When buying higher end mascara, I ONLY buy deluxe sample sizes so that they don't get old and crusty before I get to use them up! This is a great investment for someone who isn't sure what they want.


LANCOME CILS BOOSTER XL SUPER ENHANCING MASCARA BASE: This is a great primer that can be use with ANY mascara.  Priming your lashes makes them look more luscious and prevents then from flaking.  Cheaper alternative: I'd be lying if I said I found one I'd recommend, or even found one period.  Most drugstore brands are combining their primer/mascara into one dual ended product (on to the next one, on on to the next one).


LORAC SPECIAL EFFECTS: Primer and mascara combo (dual-ended).  Microfiber brush in combination with primer give you an intense lash, but honestly, skip it for the Cheaper alternative: L'OREAL DOUBLE EXTEND BEAUTY TUBES: I love love love this and it's affordable.  Kind of odd at first because you apply the primer, which is white and then the mascara and it's like little tubes hooked onto your real lashes.  It's like waterproof in that it won't smudge, run or flake, but removes with just warm water.  Removing is quite strange, you have to pull off the little fibers (it's almost rubbery).  If you want longggg lashes, this is great!


MAKEUP FOREVER SMOKY LASH: If you already have long lashes and want to achieve that super thick smoky look (think Kim K.) this one is for you.  Basic brush, but thick rich formula.  I always use this as my final mascara. Cheaper alternative: RIMMEL VOLUME FLASH SCANDALEYES: Rimmel is marketing way more than they used to and they have a full line of great mascaras, Scandaleyes definitely produces that lush, dark smoky look.


FAIRYDROPS SCANDAL QUEEN:  This is a fiber mascara, you can build build build until you are satisfied with the robustness of your lashes! Cheaper alternative: MAYBELLINE ILLEGAL LENGTH FIBER EXTENSIONS: I love this because of it's small brush, it allows you to reach those tiny baby hairs!


BENEFIT THEY'RE REAL: My most recent purchase and I love it!  Great brush for combing out lashes and reaching all the tiny corner lashes.  Super wet formula for rich lashes. Cheaper alternative: MAYBELLINE FALSIES: Spoon brush = great curl.  Very easy to fully coat lashes because it's easier to get right to the base of the lashes.  An excellent affordable mascara for those that want volume and length!


Honestly just go HERE and just look at some of the crazy ass brushes that are out there.  Givenchy's brush is a ball for god sake and Clinique High Lengths is an actual comb (for the record, I don't like the comb applicators...I feel like they get too clumpy and uneven).


So let's see I bashed Great Lash, which, let's be honest someone reading this is definitely a user (ABORT ABORT!).  Now let me bash a high-end brand.  I am NOT a fan of DIOR Mascara.  Their brushes are ginormous and their formula is super dry...DISLIKE!


So I've been helpful and hostile.  Hope you've enjoyed :)